by PATRICK V. MIGUEL
photo courtesy of John Brian Pascual
ENCLOSED IN a four-walled room, Brian forces himself to pull out of bed and stand in his own space of solitude. With a face mask on, he sighs as he pushes away the dark cloud of thoughts setting above his head. He recalls, โI was [looking] sa positive sideโฆ na magiging okay lang ako in-time kasi may tiwala talaga ako na [magiging maayos din ang lahat].โย
The dawn is about to break as the sky outside is a gradient of ember and navy. As the door opens, a person wearing personal protective equipment enters the room. Behind the KN95 mask with plastic tape plastered on its side, Brain recognizes the muffled voice of his nurse.ย
To let the day pass, Brian would watch a K-drama. If he gets in the mood, he fills the room with Twice and Blackpinkโs songs. This time, however, he takes the chair from the corner of the room and drags it by the window.ย
From there, he sits with sunlight seeping through the glass,ย letting it cast its gleam on his skin. Although the room is silent, his loud thoughts reverberate in his head. โI [was] going crazy,โ he admits.ย
โDuring quarantineโฆ [the] days were longer,โ he claims. As life outside goes on, John Brian Pascual, like the thousands of Filipinos everyday since March 2020, fights alongside the frontliners to see the light at the end of COVID-19โs dark and seemingly unending tunnel.ย
Faces of the survivors
A second-year legal management student, John Brian Pascual was usually found around the campus, carrying a stack of books. Before the pandemic, Brian was just like any other Artlet. He often spent his time buried in the pages of his assigned readings, memorizing law after law.ย
However, life in the University unexpectedly ended on a bright afternoon in March last year when classes were suspended for one week. Students hugged each other goodbye, not knowing that the next time they would see each other would be on Zoom.ย
Brian recalls that day vividly, saying, โNagjo-joke pa ako noon sa mga friends ko…. Sinasabi ko, โSee you next school year,โ tapos ngayon [din] pala, kahit โnext school yearโ na, hindi pa [rin] kami nagkikita.โ
Someday, the Universityโs classrooms would be filled again. However, not everyone would be aware that some members of the Thomasian community fought the virus. The survivors will walk around the campus someday as they seemingly have forgotten their own cries while in isolation. Once upon a time, they fought for their lives alone ย โ and John Brian Pascual was one of them.ย
336 hours of solitude
In November 2020, Brian spiked a fever. He says, โAkala ko normal lang siya na sakit [but] after two daysโฆ napansin ko na nawawalan na ako ng panlasa then dahan-dahan na nawala โyung pang-amoy koโฆ.โ From then, his family decided that Brian should take a swab test.
Anxious for the results, Brian waited for the swab test results in their living room as he busied himself by playing mobile games. Eventually, his mother feebly entered and uttered, โPositive ka.โ
Immediately, Brian dropped his phone, feeling his body freeze over. With no words to say, he laughed shakingly as sweat dripped down his forehead. He kept laughing for a while, then stopped when he came to his senses.
Processing it, he says, โ[N]agtataka ako [kung] bakit akoโฆ bakit ako [pa]? Hindi naman ako masyadong lumalabas ng bahayโฆ [kaso] kahit [minsan] ka lang lumabas, pwede ka talagang mag-positive [sa COVID-19]. Minsan, hindi mo talaga maiiwasan.โย
With that, his family feared getting infected from the virus so they all took a swab test. To Brianโs relief, his family tested negative.ย
Upon being brought to the hospital by his family, the nurses immediately tended to him. While inserting the IV line into his wrist, his nurse kept reassuring him that he would be fine. Despite the fear that the disease brought, Brian chose to hold onto hope.ย
โOne timeโฆ na-realize ko na [maraming] namamatay sa COVID, so naisip ko na may chanceโฆ na mamatay ako,โ he admits. โAlthough nawala naman โyung [thought] na iyon kasiโฆ iniisip ko [lagi] na gagaling ako.โย ย
Brian waves from the bathroom window. / photo courtesy of John Brian Pascual
To communicate with his family, Brian would open the small window from the bathroom and stick his hand out. From there, he would wave his hand to greet his parents.ย โThat was not ideal,โ he says, โbut it was for the safety [of] my family and myself.โ
Still, despite getting infected with the virus, Brian never forgot his academics and studied often while in quarantine. He shares, โIniisip ko lang โyung academics ko [kasi] itโs keeping my mind off [the fact] na may COVID ako.โ At that time, he was also active in the donation drive his block arranged for the recent typhoons.ย
As he was stuck in his bubble, Brian admits that he often dreamt of a future where he is no longer COVID-19 positive. Here, he could finally step out of the hospital doors and physically feel the bright sunlight on his skin. He would close his eyes and look forward to the end of the pandemic, imagining the ecstasy he would feel when those days would finally come. Someday โ ย one day at a time.ย
A second chance
Brian gradually regained his strength. โAfter a few daysโฆ napansin ko na dahan-dahan bumabalik โyung panlasa koโฆ. Sobrang optimistic ko noon.โ Hopeful as they were, the doctors believed that Brian was stable enough for home quarantine. After a week, he was sent to isolate himself in his grandmotherโs house.ย
Aside from his family, his blockmates and professors were also there for him. Brian comments, โThey really caredโฆ. They wanted to be updated with my situation para alam nila kung paano sila maga-adjust saโkin.โ
Brian received the news that he finally tested negative last January. โ[It] was 2 a.m. [noong] nag-email โyung hospitalโฆ [saying] na negative na ako. It was a great feeling kasi, finallyโฆ doon ko na masasabi na negative na ako sa COVID. [Nawala โyung] weight on my shoulders,โ Brian recalls.ย
However, the effects of COVID did not stop with a negative result. Brian admits that he is still coming to terms with the traumatic experience, saying, โMas naging wary ako sa health koโฆ. Before, doble-ingat lang, [pero] ngayon, ten times na kasi you will never know […] [Kung] hindi mo talaga kailangang lumabas, huwag ka nalang lumabas for your safety and for others [as well].โ
In the end, Brian was never all alone with his battle against the virus. After all, he had his friends, professors, nurses, doctors, and especially his family help him pull himself from the dark abyss of the virus. Brian remarks, โHindi koโฆ kakayanin ito [kung wala sila].โ
Brian was asked why he was willing to take part in this article. He says, โI realize not to take life for granted […] I am currently happyโฆ kasi fully recovered na ako from COVIDโฆ. Ngayon, itโs time to move onโฆ andโฆ learn from my experience […] Through this articleโฆ itโs my way of letting go [of the past].โ
Once Brian recovered, his doctors took out a camera while handing him a certificate saying โI survived COVID-19.โ โThis is better than my diploma,โ he remarks.ย
Indeed,ย Brian has been given a second chance on earth and his life will go on as it should. Smiling behind his face mask, Brian stands alongside the doctors as the camera immortalizes his experience of battling COVID-19. F
